I'm sick of people ranting about silly things that will never be resolved like the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I prefer ranting about problems that can actually be resolved, as well as issues that directly affect my life and the people around me, like awful customer service, horrible drivers, people pushing their shopping carts into my ass at the supermarket as if they couldn't see it (come on, really it's not small), and especially one of the most important issues here is that the bars suck.
Why Israeli Bars suck?
1) Cocktails are ridiculously expensive. Cocktails usually range from 40-55 NIS ($11-$15), which is absurd since the average salary in Israel is only 7190 NIS/month before taxes. That means the average Israeli will be out of money for the month after ordering about 120 drinks (this includes tips). One hundred twenty drinks a month is not enough to drink away your sorrows and I'm sure those that are only earning 7190 NIS/month and paying rent in Tel Aviv have a lot of sorrows.
2) The bartenders don't know how to make drinks. Even simple drinks like a rum and coke or gin and tonic. The ingredients are pretty straight forward but for some reason the drinks are either extremely watered-down or the bartender will take the order too literally and give me a bottle of coke and a shot of rum or a bottle of tonic water and a shot of gin. I'm pretty sure they take some kind of bartending course which teaches them how to pour two drinks together, but who knows maybe I'm wrong?
3) The bartenders really don't know how to make drinks. Recently, my company set up a cute little bartending course for the employees. The bar was really nice but the bartenders were absolutely useless. I remember they were teaching us how to make a mojito. The ingredients according to the bartender were: rum, nana, sprite, sugar, and a lot of lemon. Since the mojito is one of my all-time favorite drinks, I knew that this bartender was full of it. So I stopped him and I said, "don't you mean lime?" To which he replied, "This is how we make it in Israel." I'd accept this statement as long as he didn't misinform people to begin with. If he started out by saying, "Hey so in Israel we don't use lime because we don't really have it here, so we replace all drinks that have lime (which are a lot) with lemon" then it would be cool, but the fact that he's telling people that this is "the proper way" to make this drink is just infuriating. And I don't even want to get started on the sprite!
For all those interested, the real ingredients are: light rum, mint, soda water, sugar, and lime.
4) They know nothing about wine. I really know almost nothing about wine, but for some reason in Israel I look like an expert. So let's travel back to my last story of the company event. When we first got to the bar, which I should mention is actually at the bottom of a wine shop, I asked for a glass of wine. And I asked the bartender if he had any from Binyamina, specifically Yogev because I've bought bottles of Yogev in the past from the shop upstairs. And he said, "well actually we don't have the wine that we have upstairs down here." Then I asked, "well what do you have?" And I get the response I always get at a bar, "we have red and we have white." And I'm thinking, "No shit Sherlock." So I ask, "do you have any Shiraz?" To which he replies, "Yeah...Israelis don't really drink wine so much." Yeah, I don't really know what to say about that since this bar is actually part of a wine shop. I guess Israelis don't walk into the shop to buy wine. Shocking that the shop has been there for awhile now even though it must have absolutely no customers at all considering that "Israelis don't drink wine". So my reply was, "Wow, you're really not a good bartender, are you?"
My plan for making bars really awesome- Just a few suggestions
1) Raise our salaries please ;) And lower the cost of alcohol. Why is a glass of wine more expensive than a bottle in a supermarket?
2) Have a bartending course in which Israelis learn how to make and mix drinks.
3) Teach bartenders the basics about wine, (like, Chardonnay and Riesling are white wines and Shiraz, Cabernet and Merlot are red wines.)
4) Also try serving the drinks that are on the menu. If the menu says Bellini with Prosecco, why do you say you only have Cava? Seriously, can we all just admit the truth that Cava is Prosecco's really uncool (and overrated) little sister from Spain?
5) Teach bartenders to be nice to the customer so the customer will want to give a tip. I mean, Hello, I'm American, we're using to giving at least 20% tips, usually more to bartenders.
Why Israeli Bars suck?
1) Cocktails are ridiculously expensive. Cocktails usually range from 40-55 NIS ($11-$15), which is absurd since the average salary in Israel is only 7190 NIS/month before taxes. That means the average Israeli will be out of money for the month after ordering about 120 drinks (this includes tips). One hundred twenty drinks a month is not enough to drink away your sorrows and I'm sure those that are only earning 7190 NIS/month and paying rent in Tel Aviv have a lot of sorrows.
2) The bartenders don't know how to make drinks. Even simple drinks like a rum and coke or gin and tonic. The ingredients are pretty straight forward but for some reason the drinks are either extremely watered-down or the bartender will take the order too literally and give me a bottle of coke and a shot of rum or a bottle of tonic water and a shot of gin. I'm pretty sure they take some kind of bartending course which teaches them how to pour two drinks together, but who knows maybe I'm wrong?
3) The bartenders really don't know how to make drinks. Recently, my company set up a cute little bartending course for the employees. The bar was really nice but the bartenders were absolutely useless. I remember they were teaching us how to make a mojito. The ingredients according to the bartender were: rum, nana, sprite, sugar, and a lot of lemon. Since the mojito is one of my all-time favorite drinks, I knew that this bartender was full of it. So I stopped him and I said, "don't you mean lime?" To which he replied, "This is how we make it in Israel." I'd accept this statement as long as he didn't misinform people to begin with. If he started out by saying, "Hey so in Israel we don't use lime because we don't really have it here, so we replace all drinks that have lime (which are a lot) with lemon" then it would be cool, but the fact that he's telling people that this is "the proper way" to make this drink is just infuriating. And I don't even want to get started on the sprite!
For all those interested, the real ingredients are: light rum, mint, soda water, sugar, and lime.
4) They know nothing about wine. I really know almost nothing about wine, but for some reason in Israel I look like an expert. So let's travel back to my last story of the company event. When we first got to the bar, which I should mention is actually at the bottom of a wine shop, I asked for a glass of wine. And I asked the bartender if he had any from Binyamina, specifically Yogev because I've bought bottles of Yogev in the past from the shop upstairs. And he said, "well actually we don't have the wine that we have upstairs down here." Then I asked, "well what do you have?" And I get the response I always get at a bar, "we have red and we have white." And I'm thinking, "No shit Sherlock." So I ask, "do you have any Shiraz?" To which he replies, "Yeah...Israelis don't really drink wine so much." Yeah, I don't really know what to say about that since this bar is actually part of a wine shop. I guess Israelis don't walk into the shop to buy wine. Shocking that the shop has been there for awhile now even though it must have absolutely no customers at all considering that "Israelis don't drink wine". So my reply was, "Wow, you're really not a good bartender, are you?"
My plan for making bars really awesome- Just a few suggestions
1) Raise our salaries please ;) And lower the cost of alcohol. Why is a glass of wine more expensive than a bottle in a supermarket?
2) Have a bartending course in which Israelis learn how to make and mix drinks.
3) Teach bartenders the basics about wine, (like, Chardonnay and Riesling are white wines and Shiraz, Cabernet and Merlot are red wines.)
4) Also try serving the drinks that are on the menu. If the menu says Bellini with Prosecco, why do you say you only have Cava? Seriously, can we all just admit the truth that Cava is Prosecco's really uncool (and overrated) little sister from Spain?
5) Teach bartenders to be nice to the customer so the customer will want to give a tip. I mean, Hello, I'm American, we're using to giving at least 20% tips, usually more to bartenders.
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